Dispatch 02.2022

The Disciple Struggle Bus

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

- ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11:28-30‬

As I’ve reflected over the past several years, we’ve had some pretty hard realities to navigate including the wake of the global pandemic that has been going on since February of 2020. It’s been two years since our world was literally turned upside down! Slowly, I have realized that the pace of my life, the hurried schedule, the pursuit of “more,” the prototypical up and to the right internal motivation, and the self-induced performance hampster wheel of life is damaging to my soul. This quote says it so well:

Hurry is violence to our souls. - John Mark Comer

I have started to see the arc and narrative that has played out and landed me where I am today. Last year, Matthew 11:28-30 was my verse of the year, which connected with my word of the year, recover. I desperately needed to recover! Thankfully, I was able to take a 6-week sabbatical for the first time ever, and that time was so needed. It was special, helpful even, but not the answer I was hoping it would be. Having gained hindsight perspective as I look back at the arc, it’s interesting to me that in 2018, my word of the year was listen. Then in 2019 it was sustainable, followed by serve (2020), recover (2021), and now in 2022, disciple or talmidim. Do you see a theme? I do!

Let’s go back to my self-induced, adrenaline-fed hamster wheel issues. Here is what I know about myself, and let me be frank—I am a performer, I deliver, I'm a change agent, I'm the guy who will, at all costs, “make it happen.” I “get shit done,” and you can pile it all on me and not worry one second about it, about me. I got this. 

This has been the case my entire life. Honestly, it’s what has propelled me to the “proverbial top” of whatever I am doing and wherever I have put myself. This trap in our western American culture is so easy to fall into, because it is rewarded, praised at just about every turn, is often attractive, and can be very lucrative. It’s also pretty easy to mask it in Christian circles and hide behind our “callings” or the big missions we serve. In reality, it’s dysfunctional and justifying sin. But, when in that trap, I have found that the cost so many are paying (sometimes without even knowing) can be significant. I have met a few who’ve exited the trap, and after a few months of detoxing, have shared that they didn’t have any idea how bad it was until they were totally out. Sounds a lot like addiction in many ways. My pastor has a book called Weird: Because Normal Is Not Working, and I loved his quote about this topic:

The current of normalcy will pull you away from God at every opportunity if you let it. - Craig Groeschel

I need to be very clear that I have not “figured this out” or have the market cornered at all. I have more questions than I have answers. I struggle every day with these traps I’ve mentioned and am continually confronting areas that are presenting challenges and issues in my life. My goal with this post, and more regular discussions, writings, and sharing about this topic, is to be more open and vulnerable with my pursuit of being a disciple of Jesus in the midst of a digital revolution, as well as being someone who is attempting to influence it. My reality lives inside of Jesus’ words:

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

- ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11:28-30‬

This has guided me to my word and focus this year of being a disciple, a talmidim, truly an apprentice to Jesus. I might be a bit idealistic, but I have the audacity to believe there is a way to live the unhurried life, apprenticing under Jesus, and still be a fantastic innovator, disrupter, and leader. I have no doubt this will be fairly countercultural in some circles, but hey…Jesus was the great revolutionary whom God sent to bring His Kingdom to earth. I am not sure that Kingdom is compatible with the hampster wheel of living.

“Jesus's resurrection is the beginning of God's new project not to snatch people away from earth to heaven but to colonize earth with the life of heaven. That, after all, is what the Lord's Prayer is about.” - NT Wright

What beautiful language in that quote! As Christ followers, we are colonizing earth to bring the life of heaven! The Kingdom is here, but I am taking a personal inventory and wondering how I am doing. I desire to be a disciple and am stepping into that space, but the reality is that I feel like I'm on the struggle bus. Much of my regular experiences do not look or feel like the life of heaven. There must be something more, something different, maybe something weird like pastor Craig said, that I am missing.

So, those who say we cannot truly follow Christ turn out to be correct in a sense. We cannot behave “on the spot” as he did and taught if in the rest of our time we live as everybody else does… The secret of the easy yoke, then, is to learn from Christ how to live our total lives, how to invest all our time and our energies of mind and body as he did. - Dallas Willard, The Spirit of the Disciplines

Willard can be a little “dense” with his writing and words. Here’s a quote by John Mark Comer that summarizes it this way:

“If you want to experience the life of Jesus, you have to adopt the lifestyle of Jesus.”

This got me thinking about the “Monkey Trap.” 

You may have heard this before, but can you catch a monkey? It’s not easy, monkeys are fast, nimble, and elusive. Monkeys can be up the nearest tree before you can blink.

But the one sure way to catch a monkey, according to the legend, is to put a banana in a jar. The monkey sees the banana. The monkey wants the banana. The monkey reaches into the top of the jar and grabs the banana. But then the monkey can't get his hand out.

And so he stays there. Trapped. Because there's no way in the world the monkey is going to let go of the banana. There is no way in the world the monkey's going to loosen his grasp on the object of his desire.

I wish I could say I’m not that monkey, but that would not be truthful. There are many areas of my life that I believe I am holding on and trapped. Areas I look around and have idols that are standing in the way of taking the next steps towards being a disciple. This life, our journey as we follow Jesus, gives us new eyes to see along the way and new discoveries that He is presenting to us. I often find myself wanting to press the easy button, to just teleport to the next phase or point on the journey, but it just never actually works like that. The process is the purpose so many times. Again, Dallas Willard writes:

We must accept the circumstances we constantly find ourselves in as the place of God’s kingdom and blessing. God has yet to bless anyone except where they actually are, and if we faithlessly discard situation after situation, moment after moment, as not being “right,” we will simply have no place to receive his kingdom into our life. For those situations and moments are our life. - Dallas Willard, The Divine Conspiracy

So, welcome to my journey. It’s pretty messy, as I wrote about in my last dispatch. I also said in closing in that dispatch that I desire to shift any of my own thoughts, prayers, or focus away from desiring less mess and more about my ability to navigate and live through the mess more like Jesus. Now I just need to add something about letting go of the banana. 

Until next time.

Turn up the volume and open your heart - “No one Lord but you..”